How to Start Talking About Contraception? Five Magic Words
The article has been written on behalf of a woman dealing with a man only because this is the shortest way to represent the issue. No gender discrimination is implied. All cases and suggestions can be equally considered when the one avoiding safe sex is a woman, a transgender or a fairy.
“Do you have a condom?” These are 5 magic words they’ve forgotten to teach us at school. Just like introducing a class on saying “no”, putting questions, asking for explanation of things that are not clear and initiating a talk on contraception. A lot of other useful skills were also omitted from curriculum. But the aforementioned words and practices are the most beneficial issues for sex-positive people who take personal care of improving their sex.
Even if you don’t refer yourself to sex positivity adherents you have definitely found yourself in situations when it was difficult or even impossible for you:
- to say “no” to unprotected sex;
- to ask a partner why he does not want to practice safe sex;
- to explain why protection for you comes as the matter of crucial importance.
In this article we resume our experience to give reasons of and show opportunities for “no!”, “why?” and “because”.
How to start talking about contraception? Statistics.
A club party, a campus, a corporate gathering, a ski instructor, a negotiating opponent – spontaneous keen desire may strike in completely unexpected places. A hot and overwhelming feeling that discourages our coherent speech and sophisticated thinking. And we never object.
A passionate respond and burning desire for sex “here and now” is more characteristic of young people aged 15 to 20, but adults may also rise to the fly. And the older one gets, the more rare and valuable such “flashes” become. So that having no condom at hand, you don’t pay much attention to it… But statistics tells that you’d better do:
- every day ca. 1 million people get STIs.
- the annual number of STIs new infections is 350 million globally.
- 500 million people have genital herpes.
- if this is so far not enough for you, check the above link to get more data.
Given sex between unmarried men and women does not come often is the states like Japan, India and the Emirates, the above statistics has been probably “authored” by residents of the countries that were lucky to experience sexual revolution. We take the liberty of having sex, it has become a part of our life, but we still don’t know all rules of safe dealing with it.
We are citizens of developed states – and we are involved in high figures of STIs statistics. And keeping this in mind can help us find a solid bedding for “no”. The groundwork made of concern about our health and knowledge of time and effort that treatment takes.
Left without a condom at the moment of passion and having no nearby source of getting one is not a reason for giving a once-and-forever refusal. Yet it is an argument to remain within a safe territory.
When situation is unrefusable (maybe it’s not your case, but we had one)
What if this is our last meeting?
He is leaving tomorrow? But in case you need his test results in two days, you’ll run him to earth, won’t you?
Every new year brings us more opportunities to find a way to our desired object. Even if he is leaving for Peru tomorrow, this isn’t another planetary system. It’s just a distance of several thousand kilometers. And you can fly to Bora Bora after the one you crave for in the morning, at night or in your dreams. Buy a condom and take a flight. Therefore there isn’t any single reason to consent to spontaneous and unprotected sex.
Moreover, when happening after a period of anticipation, a sexual intercourse shall become even more vibrant and intense, like ripe wine. Gourmets rarely opt into dishes made hurry-scurry and slapdash. And they are people who have an eye for pleasure.
No chance for tomorrow!
And in case he doesn’t leave, why are we scared the passion shall die down?
Why are we so freakish in desire to get everything right here and now? Desire won’t fade by tomorrow. And in case it will – doesn’t it mean it was mere fuss? So that probably it was not sex but something else that came as the real objective?
After all, passion is not tomato. It won’t spoil when exposed to sunlight. And doesn’t droop from staying in the shade. It languishes when misused.
You know the options of how sex can be misused. We shall on our behalf give you our first-hand samples:
- I bet my friend that I would have sex with him;
- I envy my friend, while having sex with her partner shall soothe my rivalry so I cannot miss the opportunity;
- he is the spitting image of Brad Pitt, and he is dead drunk, and I doubt whether he shall desire me when sober;
- if I refuse he shall think I’m a virgin.
Sure, all these factors show sex to have become a means of achieving one’s goals. And no condom shall save situations of this kind, they must not happen in the life of a sex-positive open mind.
He objects to sex with condom!
His solid desire to let things go unprotected gives you a subject of communication. You have tempted him to have sex? Now it’s time you lure him into talk about contraception. The situation requires you explain the grounds of your position and pay attention to the reasons of his reluctance:
- he may be unaware of the disease statistics; then just tell him about it;
- maybe your request was not so delicate, and he fears losing control over situation by accepting your demand;
- maybe he just chickens you (you buy it – or you don’t), and only your firm stand can show that you “don’t buy”;
- he may not believe statistics to be true – then take him to meet the issue expert;
- he may experience penile sensation problems (a condom dulls erection), but in this case the issue should be taken to sexologist;
- probably he still believes the myth that “sex with condom sucks”. Then tell him how sucking the issue of treating genital herpes is;
- maybe you are both excited by the risk of unprotected sex. Then you can get tested to see the results, steer clear of other unprotected contacts, prevent pregnancy by means of V-section or pills and act out your joint fantasy without damage to your health.
More than two. Protection becomes a more challenging and exciting process
We’ve been together for so long – why make things so complicated?
Another popular case. We are a couple – so why use a condom? And here come two solid “because”. First – a partner’s desire to use one. Second – absence of systematic approach to STIs testing against “side” contacts. You are engaged in intercourses with the third parties? Then don’t jeopardize your partner’s health.
There are partners who are furiously convinced in their being healthy. A good feature unless it’s just a way of hiding one’s fear of needles in doctor’s hand or other testing instruments. If you are so totally sure, why are you that stubborn in avoiding tests, and get mad at a proposal to undergo one?
Getting tested often gives a start to unprotected relations in a couple. We rejoice the couples where knowledge and trust prevail. But once received, information cannot remain forever relevant in case at least one of the two was having sex with new partners.
Group sex – how is protection possible?
Congrats on having this amazing experience! But even an orgy makes the arrangement of protection a rather feasible issue.
A good orgy results from a couple. You add a third partner to it, then a forth, and there it goes. This gradual approach gives time for getting new partners’ test results and progressive expanding of borders towards new sensations.
Or this may be a sex-party where you are hosted as a guest – for instance, in Hacienda Villa. Well, in this case be sure to have condoms on you, keep alert regarding the things and the way you are penetrated with, and remember to ask putting a new condom on fingers and toys as a way of showing respect to you and your body.