Rules and Tips for Your First Swingers Events

Are you interested in swinging and swingers events, but have no idea how to go about it?

If you are, then you’re in the right place.

Before attending your first swingers event, you need to know a few key rules in order to have the best experience possible.

You can read about the various potential challenges that swinging brings to the table here.

And we’re here to give you the most important rules and tips.

Rules of Swingers Events

Let’s get these out of the way first, shall we?

We’re going to give you a run-down of the most important rules to keep in mind when you go to a swingers event.

Keep these in mind, as they help ensure that every party is safe and enjoyable for everyone present.

No Means NO

This is rule one of any swingers event you will ever attend. Everyone involved, including yourself and your partner, have the right to say no.

No one needs to provide an explanation or an alibi. This is meant to be a safe, stress-free environment for everyone involved. A reason isn’t necessary when you’re just not into it.

Feel free to decline an invitation. No one likes doing things that they’ll regret afterwards, and no one will judge you for it. Judgement is not condoned in the swinger community.

If One Goes, You Both Go

This is a very important guideline at any swingers event you attend. You and your partner will arrive as a couple and leave as one.

It’s not a good idea for one partner to go off gallivanting, only to leave the other behind. Hold onto your partner and don’t let them run off without you.

This is a lot safer for you both, not to mention easier. Keep in mind that swingers events are usually a team effort – this isn’t a lifestyle you can immerse yourself in alone.

Be Punctual


At swinger parties, you can’t be running around like the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, yelling about how late you are. It is a big turn-off for everyone involved.

No one wants to be forced to sit around awkwardly while waiting for that one couple who was supposed to turn up an hour before. Behaviour like this is likely to get you uninvited from the next party.

If you really can’t help it, call the host to let them know beforehand. Stuff happens sometimes, so they’ll understand – as long as you let them know in advance.

Mind Your Manners

Being a swinger isn’t all about sex without regard for everyone else. You need to keep in mind that everyone has their own uncertainties and insecurities – so it is very important to be courteous and polite.

Every swinger is also a person, just like yourself. Treat them how you wish to be treated. Be kind, thoughtful, and understanding, and you’ll get along with everyone just fine.

It’s always good to make friends at swingers events, and minding your manners is the best way to do so.

And while we’re on the subject, remember to be friendly, even if you don’t want to get physical. Making friends might lead to you being invited to a party where you do want to do so.

Always RSVP


This is very important. A swingers event isn’t some random Facebook invite that you can ignore.

Reply always, even if you’re not planning on going. Hosts need to know exactly how many people will turn up so that they can plan accordingly. You don’t want to put them out.

Call them, or email if you like, but always thank them for the invitation. It’s a big thing to be invited to a swingers event. This means that the host trusts you, and you should repay their trust.

Bring a Gift

Never turn up at a party empty-handed. A gift for the host is the polite thing to do.

If you don’t know what to get them, ask. It’s just like any other party.

Dress Right

Practical, comfortable, sexy. Keep those words in mind when attending a swingers event. Bringing a robe is also a good idea.

For women, a form-fitting dress that shows a bit of leg can be a good idea. Men can go for the chinos and shirt combo. Remember that you want to impress your host and the other guests – so don’t go dressed in sweatpants and a stained old T-shirt.

Take only as much cash as you’ll need and leave unnecessary jewellery and valuables at home. You don’t want to turn up at the host’s doorstep the next day, sheepishly asking whether you can grab the necklace you accidentally left behind.

Health and Hygiene

Brush your teeth before any swingers event. No one likes bad breath. Take a shower or bath beforehand and wear good cologne or perfume.

Make sure you’re well-groomed as well. You want to impress everyone with how good you look and smell, remember?

Freshening up a little once you get there, maybe with some mints or a fresh squirt of scent, might be a good idea too.

Have Fun!

The entire purpose of swingers events is to have fun, so remember to do so!

You’re not being forced to go to swingers events. They are social activities that everyone wants to do. If you’re uncomfortable with something, sound off. You don’t have to be pressured into anything.

Just make sure to approach the whole affair with an open mind, a positive vibe, and a warm smile. Your fantasies are being realized, so just enjoy the ride.

Now that the rules are out of the way – let’s move on to the fun part.

Tips and Tricks for Swinger Beginners

It’s finally time.

You’re ready to dive into the swinger lifestyle.

But where do you start?

The Best Place to Start

If you’re looking to get into the swingers lifestyle, the internet is perhaps your greatest asset. It can sometimes be hard to meet other swingers in the wild, so to speak. How would you even go about raising the topic?

This is why the internet is so great. With one Google search, you can access a range of dating websites and message boards that will give you the opportunity to meet a ton of other swingers to try events with.

One of the best places to do so is Fantasy. As an app that prides itself in providing a safe, sex-positive place for everyone to discover and share desires, it is an awesome place to meet other like-minded people.

You can create a chat room, view other people with the same fantasies, and match with people who you’d like to swing with. It’s a great way to get started if you’re new to the swinger lifestyle.

Learn the Lingo

Learn the Lingo

Terms like “soft swap”, “the lifestyle”, and “hard swap” might seem confusing if you’re new to the swinger lifestyle.

You see, swingers have their own language. IThishelps at swingers events by making it easier to understand what everyone is into. And there is too much of it to list here.

So head to the internet. Learn the basics. Or make friends with a couple or partner who can teach them to you.

And if you’re into the kinkier stuff like BDSM, but have never tried it, head on over to our article on the basic BDSM code for a primer

Try a Club

One of the best ways to meet like-minded swingers is to visit a swinger’s club.

These are usually members-only places that host lots of different couples every night, while also having their own themed parties and events. They’re a great way for you and your partner to socialize with other swingers.

One quick Google search can bring up any clubs in your area that you can go to. Just remember to follow the rules of each club and sign up for membership if you need to.

Be Realistic

You may want to temper your expectations of swingers events. You and your partner won’t always find someone you like, and there is also a chance that you may get rejected.

Just remember that it’s okay! This is all part of the swinger lifestyle.

Don’t expect the action to start right away either, as it can sometimes take a while to warm up.

Go Easy on the Booze

Go Easy on the Booze

While one or two drinks might help loosen you up, too much alcohol is guaranteed to ruin your night. Being too drunk to perform or even to stand up is a surefire way for your swinging fantasies to end before they even start, so just go easy on the booze, okay?

And lastly, you and your partner may just want to observe at your first swingers event. Stand back and drink in the atmosphere. Not everyone is going to be entirely comfortable their first time--and that is totally okay.

Like we said earlier, the point is to enjoy yourself.

Which is why it can be great to get to know someone before you even set foot in a swingers event.It’s just so much easier when you’re there with someone you know.

This is why Fantasy can once again prove to be incredibly useful for you.

Meeting like-minded people in a safe, judgement-free zone will help put you at ease before your first swingers event.

You can learn tips from more experienced people. And who knows? They may introduce you to a whole new world.

Check out Fantasy on the app store today.

If you have any other interesting rules or tips for beginner swingers, let us know in the comments below!