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The Challenges Of Swinging: Dating, Health Aspects, Allusions & Publicity


Being a swinger in a sex-positive state when surrounded by people who have no scruples about writing or talking on sexual diversity is easy. Having fun among other couples at swingers’ party in Paris, New York or Cap d’Agde is exciting. But what are the problems experienced by swinging icebreakers and swingers residing in places where sex is viewed as something negative? Here are some stories shared by readers of our sex-positive blog Fantasy.

Hints and allusions: dating swingers in a tough environment

Valentina and Nicolas.

We are not so old to remember the way it was with swinging pioneers. But our early lovers used to tell us stories on arrangement of their couple’s first swinging experiences back in 1970ies and 80ies. These were the stories of letters to be called for, PO boxes and newspaper ads.

When giving your couple’s descriptive bio in a swingers app, you find it hard to imagine the realities of the 1980ies. How do you draw up a paper announcement that anyone of your network–your boss and clients, your parents and children–could actually see? The Internet now is divided into the children’ and adults’ segments; you can restrict location or turn registration into a truly intricate process. While a paper is something that anyone, people of all ages and trades, can get in their hands. Today your newsfeed or your ad’s target audience is subject to adjustment and regulation. But this option did not exist for those who lived thirty years ago.

We are sure this situation to have promoted the development of the art of hints and allusions. Today we sign in a swingers app and set forth all explicit details. While 40 years ago you were to contrive a massage containing things that abash neither moms nor kids, yet are obvious to other people of your kind–the swingers.

When we heard these stories on careful hinting we understood this was the game we would take to. So my wife and I, we decided we shall not come down to using swingers’ apps only, but also seduce couples in places where it is not expected–in Tinder, standard clubs and bars. This is the sweetest venture: seducing a couple in a place not intended for swingers.

Dating swingers: fostering partners

Kate and Denis

We live in a state where swinging is beyond the law. Moreover, my husband holds an office that does not imply swinging appetites (send my best regards to France). We came here eight years ago, while before, when living in Europe, we had been active practitioners of swinging lifestyle. We wanted neither abandon our favorite fantasy nor postpone its fulfillment until occasional trips back home. Thus we’ve found an alternative way out: bringing up new partners.

The first couple that we seduced were our neighbors. It took us half a year of courting them, asking careful questions and suggesting joint watching of movies about threesome or quad. In six months we went to an adjacent country for the weekend where our neighbors gained the first swinging experience of their couple without infringing the law :).

Today we have a couple of lovers whom we have raised in love for swinging, and we think about taking care of the next happy duet :). It is the process of slow luring other people into swinging lifestyle that also turns us on. A long process that may take months to last.

Medicine, healthcare and safety for swingers

Marie and Antoine

Talk to a doctor about protection in the process of group sex. Most probably they shall recommend you shy away from the act in general. Thank you, but no way!

We know why it is difficult to find a doctor who goes easy on swingers’ needs. They have to be swingers themselves. But hey, seducing them into swinging is not the best option, isn’t it? 🙂

Yet there is even more to come. In addition to doctors who have no idea about devices to be used before and after group sex, there are also swingers who are not in the know of what to do in order to do no harm to each other.

So we’ve worked out a sort of precaution and protection system that we suggest all new partners should follow:

  • we buy express-tests to be used before sex;
  • we use disinfecting suppositories after the intercourse (girls do);
  • men also have their genitalia disinfected;
  • we change condoms when changing partners;
  • when shifting from one opening to another, boys are liable for disinfection of hands and toys.

Yes, this may sound to be a bit of a hassle, but this is the only way to secure and protect swingers’ health.

Meeting lovers in supermarkets

Dominic & Nina

You know, it’ funny–meeting in the middle of a street the people you were yesterday giving pleasure to in their house. Especially if you live in a provincial town the way we do. We have so far failed to find an appropriate way to react on such bumping into our lovers in a supermarket: whether we should say hello or pretend we don’t know each other.

But situations can be even more embarrassing. Once or twice we happened to meet lovers at a business appointment or at our friends’. Saying we don’t know each other would be telling a lie and causing discomfort to both party hosts and business partners. Thus we did greet each other. What we said was something like we had occasionally met before at some other party. And of course we never tell that we know each other from a swingers’ app.

After a case or two, we now tend to ask our lovers a morning question about how they would like us to behave in a situation like this. Such crossing the t removes discomfort and turns an eventual meeting into an exciting game.

What swingers tell their friends about themselves

Philipp & Ann

We have a very extended social network because of the business. We run a studio selling music equipment. We have a big number of regular customers, many of them become our friends. Besides, we arrange parties that bring together 100 to 200 persons. We’re almost never alone. Thus most of contacts with swinging partners happen in public. While sometimes our dating swinging couples becomes a part of our organized parties.

In terms of sex-positivity our town stands on the dark side of the spectrum, just like the state in general. Swinging has been even ranged as an administrative offensive. But we act explicitly. We don’t blow the trumpet about our little debaucheries, but we never disguise things when asked a blunt question.

We are ready to lose some old friends or customers who consider swinging to be indecent. Things happen, but not very often. And every breaking up like this brings relief, not sorrow. We are happy that not all of our clients are deterred by our sexual behavior. Maybe we even instigate some of them and dare to continue with their own experimenting.

How can one deal with sex-negativity?

It’s good to swim on the crest of popularity wave by doing the things that everyone approves. The ice-breakers have a more difficult way: those who launch swingers’ apps or act as sex-evangelists in a state with sex-negative views. But this engagement promises a weird and unparalleled experience of the innovator, the reputation of an odd fish and usually an unpleasant experience of disapprobation.

Those facing misunderstanding and tongue-lashing of their sexual preferences use the following guarding maxim:

“In order to endure hate speeches you should be absolutely sure that you’re right, while confidence is grounded on arguments and knowledge.”

After all, it is not for nothing that we’ve chosen the way of sex-positivity and opted into fulfilling our fantasies for we know this choice to be optimal for a person of our days.

Read more about swinging in the article Couple’s First Swing: A Story For Fantasy Sex-Positive Blog.