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Dating Swingers and Learning Their Lifestyle

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“There are no such things as hard-and-fast rules; there are only conventions adapted to the climate” (Gobseck)

Where has swing come from?

An English word ‘swing’ has been made an international denomination of alternative relationships in which partners practice sex with other couples and singles.

It’s not for coincidence that swing is identical to a word denoting a dance style. And it’s not even because that “swinging” dance implies the two not sticking together all the time yet moving a partner away and close. The swing in the context of relationships started gaining its popularity the same very years when swing as a dance was introduced in Saturday nights program and significantly extended the traditional understanding of the things that can happen on a dancefloor. The swing of the dancefloor is known for its variety – just like a swinger couple’s bedroom does.

It was not the XX-th century that mothered swing as a variety of sexual partners in a couple. There is a plenty of references to sexual practices of this kind that can be found throughout different historical epochs. Erotic literature connoisseurs shall find respective citations and not take long to present them as if suggesting that it was not in the XX-th century that this type of relationships appeared. The same goes with anthropologists. They know cultures where spouse-swapping comes as an appropriate and permitted part of marital customs (for instance, the Inuit). But it was only starting from the XX-th cent. that swing as a lifestyle got as many followers as it had never before had in the recorded history of mankind.

In the article “Eyes Wide Open: A Guide to Kinky Clubs and Kinky Parties” we have noticed every city with population over a million to have a couple of swing clubs with several hundreds of monthly visitors. Paris, London, New York – each of these cities has more than 10 of the said. There are 350 megacities in the world (net of Islamic countries) hosting at least 200 thousand swingers – this is at a most conservative estimate. Yet the USA research and statistics (see below) tells the figures to be ten times bigger…

Rebirth of swing

We are descending the repressive attitude to sexuality, having “forgotten” much of that sexy in the era of sexual demonstration bans. Whatever it was they wrote in Kama Sutra, and notwithstanding the way sex was had by ancient gatherers, the experience of partners swapping rebounded in the XX-th century, accompanied by the sounds of jazz and aircraft turbines.

They were the US military pilots who set the trend of partners swap, their driving motive been not the variety of sexual life but mere presence of this sexual life in general. When a husband caring about his wife was away for several month, could he have found any better solution than entrusting her sexual life to his friend – another pilot.

The sexual revolution of the 1970-ies and the Internet era that started in 1990-ies induced two more waves of swing global popularity making it an object of scientific interest.

The expansion of swing was studied by scholars from Kinsey Institute – the main authority in the field of US sex statistics. Their findings represent there are 4 to 16 million of people in America who have tried swing. The latter figure stands for those who have tried mate swapping at least once, while the first one is for those who continuously live this way. These are people who refer to their way as “the lifestyle” or “alternative lifestyle”.

Meet swing lifestyle

Of course swing is not about subjecting one’s life and daily routine to his or her sexual preferences. But your and your partner’s being active swingers shall significantly affect your life pattern, encourage to search for new acquaintances, friends and inner circle.

Imagine a visit to a swing club with your partner – you’ll be apparently eager to discuss it and share the experience not with one friend only, yet with a group of them! Think you won’t? Try going there once :). Now, it would be logical to discuss the issues of this kind with those whose moral standards shall endure the talk. This is how the companies of sex-positive people emerge – the people who share locations, knowledge, rules and kinky-shops (since a visit to a swing club implies specific dressing you won’t find in the nearest supermarket).

The changes that swing as a lifestyle brings do not end at friends and tailoress. From now on safe sex implies not just using condoms but also passing tests and regular checkups at a doctor whose questions you want to answer with honesty that gives no chance of being damned and denounced (unless epatage is the purpose of your visit).

Specific dealing with children is another feature of swapping couples. When parents leave for the night - and it’s not a movie-going case but a couples for couples one - or when mom leaves and another woman comes instead, a child shall be asking questions and get answers. Parents are not prone to lying to their adult children - why should they? Children shall grow up and understand all the things, while lies in relationships with your nearest and dearest might ruin the trust once and forever. And the way to tell a child about their lifestyle is a question which answer a couple shall be discussing with other swingers or sex education authorities.

As for vacations spots, swingers shall obviously choose something different from those preferred by people who follow traditional lifestyle. There are resorts that are open for swingers and never welcome single tourists – like Cap d’Agde or other “naturalistic” places.

Leisure, nightclubs, dressing, books, forums, dating apps… swing involves a good number of life aspects. Like calls to like, and so do swingers who set a zone of comfortable communication surrounding themselves by those who understand and never condemn. All of the said vest swingers with a moral right to call their life “The Lifestyle” and refer to traditional monogamy as “vanilla”.

Swingers Bible commandments

Just like polyamorists, swingers have their “bible” – the Swingland of Daniel Stern’s (2013). In addition to detailed description of swing community rules and swing lifestyle nuances the book also lays down the reasons of why swing is sometimes not to be tried.

Daniel states swinging to be solely for couples who are able to talk on any subject, those having strong relationships and not having sex problems. The author also warns against trying swing as a solution to a problem or a sex-improving remedy.  

Swingland gives theoretical background of swingers lifestyle, but understanding of whether this style suits you comes only after dealing with swing in practice.

Dating swingers – what is the way to start

They are not only meetings of ordinary people that the Internet has facilitated, but swingers dating as well. Morning papers readers of today are no longer scared by “weird adds”. Moreover, curious voyeurs from the realm of traditional relationships shall now have to look for specific apps and sites for alternative dating.

Swing involves a more open communication than sexting does. That is why swingers create public places designated for meeting their likes – the swing clubs.

“If my partner and I want to seduce another couple, Internet shall be a little help. We both want to affect the process. Maybe your couple has it in another way), but we prefer live meetings. Unfortunately, neither supermarket nor office or any other place of our daily presence suits for dating swingers. Thus we look for them at kinky-parties or in swing clubs that we visit. All swingers from our contact list do the same” – Ann, a girl from swing community, speaks. She also tells that most of her time in a swing club she spends looking at other couples. Taking part in sex is not a mandatory element of a swing- or kinky-party. Ann believes it is a trip to kinky-parties that comes as the best idea for the first swing try – and not the Internet that many would think of.

Still, pursuant to increased mobility and the amount of time spent in journeys swing datings from the net have been gaining more popularity. The recent years have pleased us with several dating apps that swingers can use. New apps are totally different from the good old fetlife.com. They are designed for active people who want to meet new partners both on journey and when at home. And not only for sex.

When people who observe swinging lifestyle arrive in a new city they want to find swing clubs and get to private swing parties, being interested in other swing entertainments as well. Those driven by this interest shall definitely need a local “guide” to introduce them to the city alternative lifestyle. When in a new city, one may find it difficult to find such a person unless having a sex-positive kinky-app for dating. Like Fantasy App, for instance.

If you have succeeded in finding the way to your city’s swing subculture and swing has found its place in you couple – share you experience and tell us your swing story!

Fantasy — the dating by fantasy app