Crossing the Line: Real Stories of Monogamish Couples
Are your relationships monogamish? If description of the monogamish concept and definition of the term offered in our article Monogamish vs Infidelity: Where the Difference Lies have failed to help qualifying your personal relationships, maybe they are the real stories of monogamish couples shared here that shall do good.
Monogamish on journey
Absence of one of the two is a commonplace background for a couple to turn monogamish. When one partner leaves for hot Thailand on holiday and the other one is not enthusiastic about the same, refusing from a new experience is irrational. Or when one is invited to another state for a six months’ internship, what shall the second one do – quit the job and follow the partner or observe celibacy? In such situation partners often agree on becoming monogamish for the period of separation.
«We hadn’t thought about non-monogamous relationships until my husband started going on long business trips. We used to go to kinky-parties together, but things never went further than public caressing. We always got enough of each other.
When my husband went away on a long trip for the first time the issue of sex for the period of separation was not raised. Neither he nor I were pleased with forced celibacy. We were in different time zones and each of us had a feeling of loneliness. We were missing sex. When he returned home we talked the things over and found the ban on flirting with other people in a new state to be a restriction that neither of us enjoyed.
I realized that if it were me who’s gone on a trip I would want to carry on with new people, learn each other better and see whether there is a sexual drive occurring between us. Having discussed the topic we decided on becoming non-monogamous when going away separately. The next trip of his was supported by the right to have sex with new people – for both of us.
I did not exercise that of mine, though, being very nervous and jealous during his absence: we made a deal not to share our sexual adventures in separation before my husband’s return. When he came back and told me about his fancies my jealousy vanished at once. I understood that it was uncertainty that I was afraid most of all. But when everything happened there came relief based on confidence: our relationships were strong enough to afford having sex with new people without any fear as for the couple break. Today I also take the liberty of going out to a party when my husband is not around. I meet other men and flirt with them – it makes me feel like a pretty hot and tempting woman. And I also feel free to sex with those I am attracted to – those who claim nothing more than sex».
When monogamy is a bit too tight
Most people choose monogamish after failed efforts «to get married to the one whom mom likes, to find the job that dad approves and to bear grandchildren to grandmother’s delight». We try to observe customs and traditions but when they appear to be far from our pleasure zone we just give up the things that don’t make us happy – serial monogamy included.
«We are not a standard couple. I am my wife’s third partner while she is my first long-term relationships. When we started dating she told me she enjoyed being courted by other men and she would not want to deprive herself of this pleasure even when having it seriously with me. She explained that she tried to be totally monogamous with her previous partner but this ended in the couple break. It sounded unusual to me, but in other respect my favored one had very sound views. So I ventured upon taking cue from her choice rather than the ideas embedded by my parents.I asked what the things would be in practice. A ready-made solution does not exist – the answer was. We shall be setting the rules along the way.
It started with a kinky party. I really wanted to see what it actually is, and having found myself in a new environment I understood I was fond of its energy, the atmosphere and my caressing the partner that anyone in the club could see. In a little while we went to a kinky-party individually since we were in different cities. I had a perfect understanding of the things happening to her while she understood what was going on around me. There was no place for a green-eyed monster: the good time we were both having did not imply room for jealousy)).
We have not created our own rules yet, but there is one thing I can say for sure: I don’t want to deny her right to flirt. I also enjoy being lured by other women and I think it is not reasonable to forbid them doing it».
Most of the time you are monogamous, but once a month you go out dating? You have the rule of one journey a year separately from each other? Or your daily schedule involves some hours for a third person like they have in the«5 to 7»? The situations in that monogamish schedule comes as solution are almost as numerous as monogamish couples in general:)
«We started from adulteries. Coming home from trips I confessed my having sex there, and my partner was doing the same. Finally we adopted a rule: an individual trip once in half a year with a right to have sex with third persons.
We were jealous of each other for a good while, yet less and less with every new time. Through trials and errors we did manage to set the rules allowing us to reduce mutual jealousy: first we were protecting each other from traumatic information, but today we are ready to meet each other’s lovers and let them into our company.
Our mutual friends know about our beliefs and respect them. Some of the folks used to criticize these rules and even broke up with us. But there came new people with similar lifestyle. We enjoy dealing with those who are ready to discuss life in monogamous relationships and share their situations. And we love our monogamish calendar J».
Sometimes monogamish stems from the couple’ favorite kink. A kink that involves other people. A kink that develops into a lifestyle.
«We met each other both having a broad experience of building relationships. I even had a child by one of the wives. I knew that before meeting me my beloved used to have a vibrant and busy life, and I would not want to come as a restraint for her amusements. It was clear that our getting together would not benefit from this. While she was not willing to do anything that might hurt me. Thus every time she fell for someone she described the situation to me asking what she should do and what I expected her to be.
Finally it has turned into a hot game for both of us. I instructed her on the issues of approaching a man, the way to seduce him, the words to be said and the things to be done in bed, and even more. It has always made me aroused – and still does. I know that she is mine not only when she is next to me, but even when she is far away».
Monogamish relationships by the rules
Don’t tell don’t ask. Clinton’s policy that has become offensive for the LGBT-community, it is another format for monogamish relationships. Failing to cope with their jealousy, the couples observing the rule are still reluctant to restrain themselves or their partners. Hence they adopted an agreement on dissemination about sex with third persons neither to the partner nor to friends in common.
«We are a fresh couple. When I met my future husband I had not yet quitted with my previous relationships. We hadn’t talked for more than 2 months yet when he learnt about my dating with another man he threw a fit at me and my boyfriend. That’s how I became a promiscuous traitoress.
The relationships that had actually ended yet without a period put to it officially have caused a great deal of a headache. Therefore we have decided that in terms of new relationships we won’t be negotiating formalities. And since our case started with infidelity we shall let each other the liberty of it under the «what happened last night stays in last night» format.
And so we have it like this. If I ask the partner about the day he would not want me to know he answers with «what happened last night stays in last night». Of course we care about our protection and every new affair we have is nothing more but a one night stand: the rule «what happened last night stays in last night» does not imply last night to be continued J».
What are your rules?
The couples that shared their stories have established a precedential groundwork for definition of what monogamish means. Reading them you may either find some aspects that are similar to yours or realize your relationships not to fit in this term as well. If the latter is your case – send us your story on anonymous basis and tell the world about the rules that your couple observes!