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Threesome Experience: Myths and Reality

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This is what Hemingway wrote about. This is what Vicky and Christina did in Barcelona. This is what Jimmie Hendrix had with two hot brunettes. That can be done Eiffel towering or in hamburger pose. Here, hotter and hotter it gets, and …Yes! Oh, yes! We’ll be talking about ménage a trois.

Threesome is like a life demotivator that features the “expectation to reality” paradigm. Just like any exotic fruit, this type of sex may either catch your fancy or leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth. You’d better have threesome at the “right” time and with “right” people: in this article we shall divide sex from fairy-tales and uncover the bed of three “dreamers”.

How was it in the past?

Threesome sex (triolism) is anything but a new phenomenon: up to now they continue to discover artefacts that involve copulating triads. In Ancient Greece, for instance, the so-called “symposiums” were used for drinking wine, talking about love and plunging oneself into carnal pleasures. The pictures of the said philosophic “trios” can be observed on temple paintings, on ancient amphorae etc. Barbara M. Foster, Michael Foster and Letha Hadadi (the authors being a partnership of three) felt inspired with the history of “trios” and wrote a book Three in Love.

Here are just a few samples of celebrated seducers’ ménage a trois – in 1742 Casanova lost his virginity at the age of 17 to two sisters (not of his J). Writers used to be fond of it as well: in 1926 Ernest Hemingway was sleeping with his wife Hadley and making love to Pauline; in the morning they would wake up together and enjoy breakfast between the sheets. Maybe the secret of these standout men’s genius resided in their openness to new sensations? And in case your own experience has never involved the ménage, then you have us to unveil the myths and fairy-tales regarding this delicate matter.

Myth # 1. All men dream about threesome, but women don’t

Two hot female bodies pleasing you on every side. What could be better than this?

According to Kinsey Institute study the “threesome” stands among men’s top-ranking sexual fantasies. So as for men – it’s all clear. Yet what do women think about sex-triads? In 2013 Metropolitan made a survey having questioned 5000 men and women aged 18 to 29. The results were rather enthusiastic: ca. 20% of the respondents had tried a threesome at least once in life. This figure is much more impressive than the 2004 ABC American Sex Survey poll that found the percent of men and women to have had sex in a threesome to be ca. 14.

The questionnaires show that the desire to have sex with two partners is not particularly gender-bound. The Journal of Sex Research data shows ménage a trois to gain popularity among both sexes, with two categories of porn that both men and women like watching being threesome and oral sex. Women appear to be the same very open to new experience as men are. Hence, ladies and gents, we are all pleased about ménage a trois!

Myth # 2. Unplanned threesome: as easy as ABC

Here is how it works: you stop by any bar, wink at a person you like and voila! Now you have a partner for your ‘arc de troimphe’! But in real life things are not as easy as they seem to be in our fantasies or in storylines. Pamela Druckerman who authors sex-exploring books and studies of infidelity in different countries in the article that deals with preparation of threesome experience emphasizes planning to be of great importance. Finding a partner for turning a threesome fantasy into real experience is not easy because of two things: the unwillingness to get into bed with a partner you know (an acquaintance, someone from the inner circle) and the feeling of unease. But on the other hand one fears a stranger whose desires may fail to match those of ours.

Pamela exemplifies by her own experience that planning (when, where, how, with whom and on which conditions things shall happen) is vitally important for the perfect scenario to be capped with satisfaction gained by every partner. Yet one should not be over-zealous in producing such kind of “film”: Pamela says she cared so much for the logistics and the catering that she had forgotten about sex itself. The way out may involve sharing responsibilities between the partners, preemptive discussion of terms and conditions and anticipation of the delight - instead of mere relying on unexpected threesome to turn out well. The most popular variant of third partner search preferred by present-day couples is getting acquainted with the help of online-resources or mobile apps. Consider Fantasy, the app that in addition to finding a partner shall help you understand the way his or her fantasies match yours.

Myth # 3. Unexpected threesome makes things more pleasurable

If you are a guest “Unicorn” baited by a couple it is essential that you have all things agreed upon yet ashore and prior to full immersion. Concern and tension in the process of sex may overshadow the joy from the act proper. Just like in BDSM, the laws of the game, the roles and consumables are to be pre-negotiated. Procurement of the equipment – contraceptives, lubricants and other accessories for threesome wantonness – is the issue to be thought over in advance. In distribution of benefits it is egalitarian approach - to each according to his/her needs and abilities - that is better to follow.

Communication and discussion is a key for the “triad” to be a success: something that you consider to be totally clear and acceptable may appear unfeasible and unacceptable to the rest of the partners. In conquering shyness some acting practices may come to help: fancy this to be a game in that you are playing a role. Or imagine yourself to be a part of erotic movie shooting.  Don’t be upset if it doesn’t work on the first take: «ménage may not happen on the first go round”, TaMara Griffin, a sex-expert, suggests. Don`t press anyone, just take the decision to play and enjoy the process.

Myth # 4. Threesome is for married couples only

Think of a situation: you’ve been dating for long, you are married, you find pleasure in having sex with your regular partner (underline as appropriate). And one of you suddenly mouths an idea of letting a third one into the realm of your intimacy. But! The myth of threesome to be meant primarily for fun seeking married couples is just a stereotyped view. According to New York Magazine and its analysis of “Casual Encounters” searching-for-partner ads statistics most ads dealing with finding a third partner are placed by heterosexual males. So that ménage appears to be not only for unicorns and married couples.

Myth # 5. There’s no need for fore- and post-play

Shiva was multi-armed and had a big lingam. Being a “deity” of this kind in the game of threesome means paying equal portion of care and attention to each partner. Before sex, during sex and after it. “The best way to begin the segue way into a threesome scenario is through the double kiss. Kissing is something that’s damn near essential for almost all women” – this is what they suggest in British askmen.com. A side-lying position – a kind of spooning variation – is perfect for both fore-play as well as epilogue. Lying on their sides, partners have their bodies closely intertwined. By finishing love game with caresses you give a nonverbal signal to all participants saying you have enjoyed the process and there is nothing to be concerned about.

What do you learn from threesome experience?

After all is said and done, you can “debrief” the things with your partner and decide on whether you are eager to repeat the 3-umph, modify rules or try something else. Maybe your triad happens to be so delicious that it would firmly establish itself in your sexual practices menu. Because threesome is something that you feel together with your partner, sharing mutual experience of sensuality. And every time you come back to what you have lived through it comes as a chance to become emotionally closer and more open to each other.

Sex-blogger Jennyblock sounds inspiring in the article My husband And I Had A Threesome And It Saved Our Marriage: After all is said and done, you can “debrief” the things with your partner and decide on whether you are eager to repeat the 3-umph, modify rules or try something else. Maybe your triad happens to be so delicious that it would firmly establish itself in your sexual practices menu. Because threesome is something that you feel together with your partner, sharing mutual experience of sensuality. And every time you come back to what you have lived through it comes as a chance to become emotionally closer and more open to each other.

The coolest way to debunk myths is to do it on one’s own experience – after all, threesome involves very personal sensations of intimacy and desire. While the thing that you’d been dreaming about for so long and then finally did and enjoyed shall help discover new facets of your sensuality and sexuality.

More about threesome – in article «TRAVELLING TO THREESOME: DATING AND MORE».

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