Public Talks About Sex: A Step To Exploring Sexuality

 

Dark Ages casted their dark shadow on sex talks and information’ public character. It is only today that sex as a subject of scientific discussion and debates has been getting out of jar of uneasiness and condemnation. Thus allowing exploration of sexual aspects (one’s own or somebody else’s) without fear of estrangement.

The jar first crack occurred ca. 100 years ago when we started reading books and watching films about sex (thank you, Freud!). Today we no longer feel ashamed to take books by Kinsey, Easton & Liszt, Naomi Wolf, Reich or Casanova. And going to the movies to watch 50 Shades of Grey, Noe’s Love and other explicit footage of the kind is just like a breeze.

Media do talk about sex as well. And this fact comes as permission of sex talking to other people, even those who shy away from listening.

Who initiates the wave of public sex talks?

Sex-positive community has its own opinion leaders. Many of them are known from different perspectives, not only a sex-related one. Someone has read about Dan Savage as an author of neologisms and heard Esther Perel to be a talented speaker. Others learn about Cindy Gallop as an owner of NYC unique all-black loft, know Effy Blue by her Curious Fox Social & Presents projects and hear about Andrew Sparksfire and Kenneth Yim as the founders of the Hacienda Community.

These people fill the Internet and real life with as is a picture of sex and relationships. They present it net of informational and fabulous shell inherent in porn and other fairy-tales. They share the results of actual sexuality explorations.

A drop of water hollows out a stone. Information stifles myths. Exciting events make us want to repeat them. While publicity destroys uneasiness and the feel of shame. And here comes the result: the hottest topics of 2016 were related to sex, like

• joint porn watching,
• Russia's ban on Pornhub,
• parties with open erotic storytelling,
• sex-dedicated conferences,
• development of SexTech industry.

Six “yes” to public sex talks

I A nontrivial solution

Sometimes when reading a blog or a book–or listening to TED talks, watching a Facebook or Youtube video–we come across a case that resembles our real situation. And we see the way out that we would never have thought of otherwise. This is the valued experience that comes from people of our days. While Freud’s cases today shall be hardly applicable: not many of us are ready to endure 5 years of slow therapy to manage arranging the sex one wants.

II I’m not the only one having these strange sexual desires

Have you ever had any sexual desires that used to put your normalcy in question and made you think about consulting a doctor?

And now image someone living in a small village without a chance to travel but with a bunch of unusual sexual desires. Especially if their environment is much closer to the Dark Ages and Jesuits than ground breakers. While sex bloggers and their posts may give our person the idea of their fantasies to be not that strange and unique, telling them there are many others of this kind and there are even apps and websites designed for their needs. So seeing a doctor is no longer the issue.

Because they are facts, true stories and real fuckups about sex and fulfillment of sexual desires that sex-positive community opinion leaders–people like Kenneth Play, Zhana Vranglova, Elena Rydkina (sex is everywhere, even in Russia), Dossie Easton, Andriy Yaroshenko (yes it is, Ukraine’s got sex)–actually bring to the foreground.

III Right to review the rules of sex

New information is always a cause to reconsider rules (especially those you’re not comfortable with). While in the world of sex and relationships there’s been a lot of new ideas occurring over the recent five years:

• in Sweden they want to legalize incest;
• what we used to call “vaginal orgasm” has turned out to be the orgasm of the clitoris “legs”;
• a new type of relationships–monogamish–has been born;
• scientists are exploring the dimensions of human sexuality and the benefits of BDSM-practices;
• Russia wants to ban sex education in schools.

All above is a motive to initiate a discussion on rules refashioning.

IV Knowledge makes healthcare

The more we learn about our body, the more responsible we become in treating it. We look for experts, compare opinions, abstract from self-curing and even start thinking about arranging an insurance for “group sex practices”.    

Knowledge is not only the bedrock of freedom but also the ground of choice. It gives us courage to bring our questions to doctors and even check up their competence.

V Anti-shyness pill for those who cannot start the talk

The first step to exploring one's sexuality lies in breaking free from the influence of public opinion. As soon as speaking sex becomes a norm in the context of media-culture, everybody feels more freedom to talk about this as well.

The ice of shame as to initiating an indecent talk about sex cracks and melts after watching the third session of TED talks and reading a couple of books. We’ve seen speakers doing it easily from the stage, we’ve seen the audience remain sitting on their places, and we are ready to risk repeating their trick.

VI Intimacy in return of sincerity

By telling friends or a partner about your erotic fuckups you find yourselves to have even more in common.

We listen to problems of the people next to us and the surface of sex world starts losing its dead-plastic nature. It becomes more live and gains some roughness, irregularities, warmth and chill, moisture, fat and odor. We learn what real sexuality is.

Side effect: sex becomes better

We think the idea of making sex better without talking about it to be utopic. Substantial sex breakthroughs are feasible only:

- in case you’re open to partner’s feedback and see what they like and feel;

- when you know about partner’s unfulfilled desires;

- given you tell the partner about sexual fantasies of yours.

This understanding relies on decades of exploring the dimensions of human sexuality, years of searching, reading books and articles, talking to experts, learning the stories of someone else’s experience. The more we learn about other people’s fantasies, the more skillful we become in grabbing our own fantasy and enlivening it with someone we match by sexual fantasies.

By starting talking about sex with your partner and cronies you let the oxygen rekindle the flame of your desires and fantasies. It blazes up, and sex becomes better.

As to upgrading your intimate relationships, read this in our article Mature Love As A Basis Of Open Relationships.