Online Dating Style: What Are The Right Things?
What is your apps’ dating style? What are the words you start correspondence, communication with? Your favorite methods? Or most preferred dating scenes from books and movies?
Have you ever dreamt about a date that is:
- a surprise, like in Vicky Christina Barcelona?
- a well-planned one, like in Hitch and Witches of Eastwick?
- a rescue, the way it is in La Fille sur le Pont?
- a casual party encounter, see it in Quantum Love and Café de Flore?
- aggressive and confident, like Basic Instinct ?
- long and mysterious, like 9 , 1/2 weeks?
In all of the above scenes the protagonists used to break the ice by ignoring popular phrases that traditionally sound like “Hi, looking for something here?”, “What are you doing?”, “How’s it going?”, “Where are you from?”, “What’s your deal?”, “Do you have a partner?”, “Are you looking for someone special, or just sex?”, «😍».
Starting a talk like this equals to a careless, an on the fly “HB2U” in the news feed. It has no chance to make the one who reads it smile. This is the way we rather initiate a social communication at a conference or when starting a new job.
We need to understand what we talk for, don’t we? Now that starting a talk to someone we want to see naked the same way as with the one we need for business seems to be a bit weird. That’s why we think the best way to come to intimate terms is to follow the laws of desires and feelings.
Casual sex apps’ dating style
Apps for casual sex have their own popular correspondence starters:
“Are you top or bottom?”,
“Looking for sex without commitments?”,
“When shall we meet?”,
“What are your sexual preferences?”,
“Nice pics” (and there comes the silence, but this is the most winning scheme),
“Want a threesome, are you coming with a friend..?”.
These starts shall be totally ok in case they are in line with fantasies and recipient’s profile. And provided you don’t keep bombarding with them every next hour.
Yet we all love being treated in some unusual way, being addressed with words and feelings that are carefully selected and delicately measured to show that we are important, valued, significant and very individual. Like the one there is longing to date us in person. So what are these right ways to online meetings?
Three steps to perfect dating style
Step one: desire
We have all seen, read or experienced at least once in our life the dating style we’ve liked much, the one that has become etched into our heart. And the scenes that have managed to touch our souls have one thing in common–confidence in one’s desire.
When we feel a wave of desire and affection before initiating a date, this wave can be ridden to give us the words that are amazingly nice and courageously apt. While boredom and doubt endow us with clichés and thoughts about the other one that sound like:
“Dunno if I need this…”,
“There’s something strange with this profile...”,
“Maybe he/she will write first...”,
“I have an old match here. Shall I write a message?”,
“Things seem boring. I’d better take a look at my matches…”.
Pickup-courses and articles like 5 Ways to A Quick Date omit the idea of dating those you definitely like, those stirring up desire and fantasies. They either don’t deal with this motive or recommend one uses everyone as an exercise. Of course you can “dummy-test” it first, but shall you manage to repeat these methods with live people who ignite your fantasies?
Step two: fantasy
If you’ve taken to a person, have someone you desire and feel attracted to, what fantasies does he/she elicit in your mind and body? What desires are ignited by their pictures and images? Raising kids together, seeing sperm on the face, follow specific body moves, learning small habits and preferences? Or maybe there is a specific fantasy related to an object? We’ve described the typology of sexual fantasies in our article List of Kinks and Their Definitions–Real Stories Analysis.
A fantasy is a hint telling you what to start with, what words and phrases to use. Whether you should be tough as a grey wolf or soft as a she-cat. If you should purr or provoke, submit or dominate. The fantasy shall prompt both the dating style and the right way to live meeting.
When a dating starts with words telling what feelings and desires of yours a person raises, they are an honest and sincere method that gets home both to your ears and heart.
Yet if the object comes from a different fantasy, this shall be clear from the very first pas of your communication dance. The one who does not share your fantasies shall hardly partner you to fantastic sex.
Step three: your personal step
If there are no doubts left but only exciting desire to meet the person, all you need to do is open the chat and type the very essential words. And this is the time you yield the steering wheel to your imagination that shall prompt right words for meeting new people. Because notwithstanding their eventual experience neither a coach nor a good old friend, a mom or a secretary can express our feelings and desires. The right dating is a dating which style excites you personally.
Our best datings
We shall hereby share words that have touched the strings of our hearts and kindled our desires:
“I love the look of your lips, their picture makes me want see them move live. Want to see them close to me…”,
“Your profile story stirs up my fantasies. I shall tell you the details if you let me”,
“I look at your picture to see passions and ability to keep them under control. Am I right? Are you that kind of person?”,
“I see the photo and want to touch your hands, feel their warmth and see if there’s the chemistry between us. Will you let me?”,
“I’m here to find someone who helps fulfilling my fantasy about corruption of an innocent young man. Your picture promises you can be the one. What are you looking for here?”,
“A picture does not always make me understand whether I take to a person or feel strong desire. But your photo has impressed me most. Let’s get together for 5 minutes only to see each other’s live moves and proceed to correspondence after this micro-dating!?”
We want our dating apps communication to be pleasant and exciting, and to stir up fantasies. Be it a most new dating app–like Fantasy–or other, some classical apps for meeting people.
To to make things happen this way we listen to the butterflies in our stomach and follow the path they whisper.
And know the way dating style is determined by words, read our article From Open Mind To Unicorn: Code Words in Dating Apps.