open marriage rules

9 Rules Of Open Marriage Based On Real Stories


When we took up the challenge of open relationship and welcomed a third person into our family we did not know that design of any plan starts from its last point. Now we understand this, and consider it to be an essential rule of open relationship says Dan, 35, designer of the idea of changing his marriage to Anna into an open one.

This is a story of open relationship that we learn from a group of three. Here Dan and Anna are a couple with two years of official marriage under their belt, and Sophie is their lover who’s been next to them over recent 8 months. Sophie has other partners that Dan and Anna have never met.

The three of them have shared their view of nuances one runs into when launching open relationship, as well as open relationship rules that they have elaborated in the process of solving challenging problems.

Nine rules of open marriage

I Start planning relationship from the end

“One day we shall ask Sophie to give us back our front door key, and we have described the process and conditions of this moment. When intending to start new intimate relations, you have to know for sure whether you are ready to theirs one day coming to an end, and write down a respective plan. Being in open marriage, a couple must have a plan in the event of breaking up with their auxiliary partners. The same thing refers to other minor plans. When we invite Sophie for the evening, we always specify duration of the date” – says Anna.

II Increased focus on healthcare

“Our health underlies our good mood and daily comfort. But before asking for your new lover’s test results and asking them to consider preventives, we need to keep the same in good order between us. And this is a pricy issue. Probably when young, one can hardly manage such proper care about health. And regular tests when changing partners might be a thing that is harder to arrange. So I’m glad we have access to qualified medical service” — Anna.

III Refuse from raw sex outside the couple

“I don’t think this rule needs additional explanation. But if there are young romantic people reading the article, it is them I address. If in the process of sex a man interacts with two women, you get a new condom after every hole you were in. Each and every. Dan and me, we don’t take precautions when having sex in two. But it is a must during a threesome or when dating with the third persons” — Anna.

IV Don’t turn open relationship into a public case

“This is an anonymous interview, and it is the largest publicity we’ve ever had. We keep our bonds with Sophie behind the scenes, even if she sees nothing against displaying our story for three. She also obeys this rule in the public eye and in social media.

Of course we don’t hide things when going to a sex-party, but information never goes outside. Probably thing won’t be always the same. But Sophie wants to get married and she makes no secret of it. So this relationship with us shall remain a part of her memory, not her news feed. This is the only open relationship advice we took from a blog and knew yet before starting that of our own” — Dan.

V Respect for neighbors and parents

“I have a key and I usually come late at night, so that neighbors don’t see me often. But even if they do, I give no sign that my relationship with Anna and Dan goes beyond friendship and that I feel almost like home here. Let them remain unbothered; moreover that we are not very loud when having sex :). Sometimes Dan and Anna’s parents come to see them. If I happen to be in, I also behave as if I’m just a friend” - Sophie.

VI Find the right way to confide things to children

“We don’t have children.  But if we had, this would be a problem. Anna holds the opinion that we must tell the children about our being in open relationships before they tell them at school that monogamy is secured by constitution while all other forms are beyond conscience and law. I don’t know what I would do. I mean, telling this to a child equals to get rest of the folks informed: parents, neighbors, friends :). Now I’m just happy for this issue to have not become my concern so far” — Dan.

VII Be ready to lose friends

“You cannot be open with all friends when discussing sex. I deal with pious, committed monogamy-adherents. I never push the issue of open marriage when talking to them. But if they ever happen to learn this, I understand this shall be the end of our friendship since I’m a bad case, a grit on the lens for them :)», — Sophie.

VIII Bear liability for your mood

“Oh yes, I can be frustrated or distempered. When I’m sick or not in the right mood, I tell Dan and Anna that for some while I won’t manage to come to their place. When ill-humored, Anna does the same as well. She works with people, and she needs to regain her mood balance more often than the two of us. Dan and I, we know that she “disappears” sometimes, and it’s ok with us.

People are no picnic when in bad mood. But you are solely responsible for your frame of mind. A family, the moreover lovers, are not to be taken as a source on consolation; we must search for restoration resource within ourselves. This is what I know even from “usual” relations – Sophie.

IX Pay respect to other’s private space

“I’m in industrial design. I can think items over when at home, sometimes in the evening when we have Sophie with us. In this case girls enjoy their female company of two. They safeguard my quietude from their games.

And one more thing here. Sophie is our guest. She cannot read our minds and rules, but we are to consider her interests. She has the right to her own space, as well as the right to leave when she wants. Telling a guest the rules your family lives by means enabling her to find there a right place for her and her comfort” - Dan.

Shall the knowledge of open marriage rules set you free from problems?

These rules have been set down by lovers in the process of solving conflicts and sticky situations of being in open marriage. And maybe in some five years the number of these rules shall triple.

But they fulfil the key principle of any project: relationships are a process that needs continuous attention and effort to keep them up. And to speak frankly–we don’t believe the idea of relationships that don’t have issues to solve.

Read more on open relationships in the article Consensual Non-Monogamy, Polygyny and Polygamy: Where The Difference Lies