Libertines Dating: Sex Clubs Rules
People who’ve never been to sex parties or swingers clubs believe those coming to these venues to be sex-crazed and unsatisfied individuals searching for pop sex bodies. And think basic kink clubs rules to be that readiness for any type of sex every minute when in a club. Is it really so? We’ve got opinions of swingers clubs regular visitors–and we give these in our article.
They have described the audience of sex-positive events:
- experienced hedonists of different ages who have been long studying their desires and the world of fantasies and get together to spend time in the company of like-minded sex-positive libertines (we tell about libertines in the article Libertines: French Open Minds)
- people who are looking for a new kinky match to act their fantasy out;
- those who are just starting explore their sexuality
and told about sex parties and sex clubs rules.
Closer to body–rules of sex-positive communities and sex clubs
“Remember they say that fine dress helps to impress? I always have it on my mind when getting prepared to a party. I shall have just one glance to give pleasure to the one who fixes his eye on me. My rich inner world is for my friends. Here I want to be a seductive whore” (Mary, 30)
The visitors of sex and swingers clubs know the rules that help kinky venues preserve their atmosphere at least all night long–and over dozens of years as a maximum. Moreover, they have a tailored kinky vocabulary to be used for their sexual communication.
Got in? Have fun!–the rule of kinky parties' pleasure atmosphere
“I come to swingers clubs to entertain and enjoy myself (not only me, all guests and organizers do the same). And having this in mind, I feel easy about saying no. If I start getting upset when dismiss offers, I shall please neither myself nor guests or party host” (Mary, 30)
The first experience is often gained by passing through the labyrinth of moral doubts. Shall I feel ashamed of my conduct? Is it ok? The things I want–are they decent? The answers lie in the purpose of your visit. The party host has done much for our enjoyment, and rejecting it would be somewhat odd. We’ve come here to get the same that most other visitors want–pleasure.
Sex clubs rule of refusal: “no” means “no”
They are either romantic novels or granny’s fairytales or porno that give rise to the idea that “women say “no” out of modesty, so that it is as if “yes” inside”, but with firm “no” spoken out”. In sex clubs the right to indecent behavior is awarded with your entrance ticket. Therefore, visitors of a sex-positive party expect that after the first “no” they shall no longer be haunted with proposals. And they don’t say “maybe” if they have decided on “no”. A “maybe” given in swingers club stands for “the decision has not yet been taken, I’m not sure, I’ll think it over, propose it in some other way”, but in no way it means “yes”.
“Swingers club is almost an emergency situation. Here everything is intensified to the maximum. Feelings, desires... No boosters needed. No one is interested in hiding one’s lustfulness. But sometimes newbies are so stuck on respondence that they are ready to remunerate a “yes” with money or a drink, and I shall at once give them the fluff” (Ann, 27)
The rule of communication: don’t hesitate to take initiative
“It is strange to meet people who recoil the offer of club dating. If someone comes up to me I shall give them a sweet smile ready to know what one wants from me. My name? No problem)). Profession? What for? My sexual fantasy? Depends on mood» (Alex, 25)
We have all read stories about love at first sight, but there was nothing about desire in them. Sometimes you may see a one in the crowd who incites your sexual desire; but usually you need to first spend some time next to a person, feel their smell, touch them to feel the “chemistry of the intercourse”. Or talk to him/her about sex–after all, saying “Let’s talk about sex” in a kinky club is more than decent.
The rule of politeness: no do’s without permission
“Sometimes I just give a smile while people treat it as my desire to join them. I see a couple having sex and take a great pleasure in watching the scene, but they stop to come up to me and suggest I join them. Damn, all I wanted was just watching!” (Mark, 35)
Swingers club is not a strip club in that you can touch with your eyes only, here the rule of “don’t do anything without permission” is important. That is, you may be touching not just with your eyes, but only after you get respective consent. Wanna come up and touch? Come up and ask first!
The rule of swingers party image: create your kinky image
“Many friends of mine simply undress, stay in their pants and claim this is their image. Hmm… A rather dubious pleasure it is–going to a kinky dating dressed the same way as when watching football at home. What for? Costumes create the ambience! The time I spend in order to express my sexuality is my contribution to the atmosphere, the air between all party people, so I stand for the rule: undress to impress” (Mary, 30).
Not all kink and swingers clubs rules allow guests to stay naked. Rather on the contrary-organizers welcome exquisite costumes while naked body is too lazy an approach. Moreover, the demand for kinky dresses is met by kinky markets all over the world. Some clubs create and sell kinky clothes on their own.
The rule of truth: don’t stretch the truth
“Yes, we all look weird here, but this is not for sugaring things up. If we embellish things–play the part of someone we don’t dare to be outside the club-it only comes as a true reflection of our desires” (Marc, 35)
Kink clubs is a dating venue for many. Sometimes desire to impress provokes one’s extending the truth. Yet the scope of personal details revealed is everybody’s private matter. Kink party visitors can use this rule to seduce with their bodies, not achievements.
The rule of the moment: don’t expect things to continue
“It is really the place where no one owes anything to anyone. They gave you a smile? It does not mean you must smile in return. They let you touch them? It does not guarantee there’ll be the second permission. You had sex? Not a sure thing you’ll have it again)” (Ann, 27)
Fastening hopes to continuing the night with someone you’ve met in a kinky club lies against the principles of sex-positive community. Caressing that happens in the kinky atmosphere is not a promise of the second date: the one who was tenderly kissing and touching me 10 minutes ago is not sure to do it again, neither today not the next month. Sex clubs rules also tell what things shall be like after the party.
The rule of secrecy: what happens at a sex party stays at a sex party
“The chance to leave some things in secret is… so rare! I enjoy the moment when at the club entrance they ask me leave my cell phone in the cloak room. It gives the feeling of intimacy, intrigue… some story” (Mary, 30)
Most sex parties don’t allow cell phones. Those that do imply the only purpose of using the gadget to be putting down the contacts of your new match. Nothing of that happening inside wants going out, so further loud greetings on the street to someone you met at a sex party is a dirty pool). Sexual communication does not imply becoming friends in social networks and everyday life.
So many rules, thing are much easier online…
If the rules of sex-positive clubs seem to be too complicated when compared to online mode, this is only until you learn the rules of online sexual communication.
All listed rules are also relevant for online dating:
- the posted photo has just a few seconds to catch the attention or fail, so the rule of creating image works here as well;
- the rule of politeness is important in case someone intends to send photos of genitalia without asking;
- the rule of refuse is a core element of every online service: here you cannot try sticking to your guns, or a ban shall catch you right away...
The rules of kinky and swingers communities that have not been listed in the article can be found on the Internet, and they are all adequate to some extent. We have taken only the most important issues and left less significant rules like protect each other’s anonymity from the harsh eyes of the vanilla world for those who want to delve into the search independently.
More details on sex-positive clubs can be found in our article New York City Venues: Where Sexual Fantasy May Come.
Photo courtesy to http://kinky-party.com/.