Tips and Tricks for Having a Threesome

How to Have a Threeway That Will Blow Your Mind

As the old saying goes, Two is company and three is a crowd… But three is way more fun. Deciding to have a threesome is the start of an adventure that is sexy, exciting and maybe even a little nerve-wracking. So what do you and your partner do next? Don’t worry. This guide will show you how to have a threesome from start to finish (and then finish again).

First, how do you arrange a threesome?

1. Talk to your partner about what you’re both looking for.

When it comes to having a threesome, communication is key from start to finish. When you think “threeway,” you may have one very specific thing in mind—and your partner might be imagining something entirely different. You won’t realize this until you sit down and talk.

Not all threesomes are alike. For starters, which gender would you like the third person to be? Even if you’re in a homosexual relationship, you might want to consider branching out. Do you want to experiment with BDSM or incorporate roleplay (or both)? Do you want to have a threesome with a friend or with a complete stranger? Before you even start browsing for a third person (called a “unicorn”) sit down to have an honest conversation. And keep an open mind!

2. Agree on boundaries.

Even the most laidback couple needs to establish rules when bringing more people into bed, so talk about your boundaries ahead of time, before things get heated between the sheets. And be respectful of your partner’s wishes! If you’ve dreamed of double penetration but your partner isn’t okay with anyone else penetrating you, don’t push it.

This extends to emotional boundaries as well. Be open about your limits. For example, if you want to be the only one who calls your partner “Daddy,” make the word off-limits for the unicorn. And how comfortable are you communicating with the unicorn afterward? Decide this up front. For example, if the unicorn is a stranger, you may feel odd, suspicious or even jealous if they keep in close contact with your partner for weeks after the threesome.

3. Decide where to find a unicorn.

There are many ways to arrange a sexy escapade. Sign up for a swingers’ cruise, attend swingers’ club meetings or join one of the dozens of adult pairing websites that exist online. And, of course, Fantasy can connect you to countless adventurous solos who are looking for something new.

But don’t be afraid to do this the old-fashioned way either—you and your partner might have a surprising amount of fun going to a local bar and seeing who catches your eye. Or look even closer to home by approaching one of your open-minded friends.

Next, how do you prepare for the threesome?

1. Make sure that everyone connects.

Threesomes can be emotionally tricky. If anyone in the group isn’t fully into it, then prepare yourself for hurt feelings and miscommunications.

To avoid this, make completely sure that everyone involved is 1) completely on board with having a threesome and 2) completely on board with having a threesome with each other.

Say you’ve found the perfect unicorn. He’s witty, fun and sexy, and the instant chemistry makes your head spin. Unfortunately, your partner doesn’t quite feel the vibe. Instead of pushing your partner on it, accept that the match isn’t a mutual fit and work together to find someone else.

In the same vein, don’t be afraid to speak up if you don’t quite connect with the unicorn, no matter how much your partner loves them. If your partner doesn’t respect your feelings, then reevaluate whether your relationship is ready for a threesome.

2. Revisit your boundaries—all three of you.

You and your partner have already set boundaries, but now it’s time to chat with the unicorn. What are your safe words? What are your dealbreakers? Have you agreed on how to handle emotional complications afterward? It’s crucial to bring your unicorn into the conversation in order to ensure that everyone is heard.

3. Create a wishlist.

Now for the fun part. Don’t just discuss your limits—open up about your fantasies. You may be surprised by the skin-tingling ideas that the three of you devise.

4. Location, location, location. Pick the right place.

When it comes to how to have a threeway, you also have to consider where to have a threeway. Location is more important than you think. If you have a disastrous threesome in your own bed, then attempting to sleep there afterward may leave a bad taste in your mouth no matter how many times you change the sheets. Pick a neutral location such as a hotel, especially if it’s your first threesome.

5. Give everyone the chance to back out.

Even if you’ve found the perfect unicorn, you’ve created a multipage wishlist and you’ve all arrived at the hotel, it’s not too late to change your mind. Make sure that everyone involved is excited, even if they’re a little nervous, and make it clear that anyone can leave if they feel uncomfortable.

Finally, what should you do during the threesome?

1. Communication is still key.

Talk! During sex, say what you like and what you don’t. Ask your partners what they like and where they want your fingers. Don’t be afraid to make requests and give orders. If you need a break, take a break. If you want to use a toy, pull it out. Just speak up.

2. Try to stay sober(ish).

A little liquid courage never hurt anyone, but you may want to ease off the substances for your first threesome. Not only will you be more alert, but you’ll also be more attuned to your own emotions so that you don’t have any regrets the next day.

3. Police your jealousy.

The first time you see someone else touch your partner, it might be hard. After all, this flies in the face of what we usually believe as a monogamous culture—if someone so much as lays eyes on your partner, you are expected to be jealous. But instead of simmering, push yourself to join in! If another girl is giving your boyfriend a blowjob, for example, then start fondling her from behind. You won’t have time to be jealous if you’re too busy having fun.

4. Give everyone equal attention.

During a threesome, you may be tempted to view the situation in one of two ways. If you’re nervous, you might focus on your partner and try to make it as much of a twosome as possible. On the other hand, you may be so excited about having a new person in bed that you ignore your old partner.

However, equal attention is key to make sure that every person feels included when you’re having a threesome. So if you notice your priorities drifting in one direction or the other, reign it in and switch things up.

5. Do something platonic as a group afterward.

This step is small but important. Even if the three of you have agreed to cut off contact afterward, do something friendly as a group in order to make sure that everyone leaves on good terms and in good spirits. This could be as simple as eating breakfast together the next morning.

Three, two, one…

Having a threesome takes a lot of planning, communication and emotional openness, but it’s worthwhile for a sexy and exciting adventure. And if you and your partner have a lot of fun, well…why not do it again?

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