Monotony Vaccine, or 5 Steps To Rekindle Sexual Desire
Have you ever had this feeling when you look at the partner and recognize every feature of their: the hairline, moles and wrinkles, bumps etc.? That you know their lunch and dinner preferences, their everyday habits and travelling patterns, how they look in the euphoria of first infatuation and in search for a difficult problem solution. A feeling that he or she is no longer a riddle and a secret. So that it makes you think: is it really going to be the same thing tomorrow, with all bright moments left behind?
If yes is the answer, you probably feel the dawn of monotony’ entering your monogamous life, the one that can be so obviously seen in neighbors, parents or grandparents. The monotony which comfort defeats striving for new experience and brings down your sexual drive.
They’ve even coined a specific term to denote this state – “monotomy”, that is, monotony in monogamous relationships. Monotomy is often considered to be a sucker fish that accompanies everyday routine, an integral part of it. But can things happen in a different way?
What is the way to overcome monotony?
Do you remember the moments when desire was empowering your body, eyes were glowing bright and muscles were strong with energy? The same refers to a couple: when we want to achieve or try something together, we are much more tolerant to our partner and forgive them more. Shared desire fills the couple with power, makes it stronger.
Therefore our “5 top-secret ideas to return sexual desire, or monotony vaccine” are actually the steps towards your desires and to the way you can fulfil them together with your partner.
Return your interest in partner – fulfil your desires
Do you ever think marriage to be a process of continuous sacrificing your desires to the benefit of romantic love that is always hungry? We do! A reputation like this makes us associate romantic love with a voracious being that never stops in demanding feeding it with abstinence, endurance or desperation, otherwise it shall take offence and leave.
How can we call it romantic affection if nothing is sacrificed, rejected or felt sorry about for the sake of love? It seems to be so common-life, boring, so run-of-the-mill. While what we want must be something like “oh boy!” and “wow!”. The “wow!” that makes our subscribers or friends envy. The “oh boy” that is associated with drama, tragedy, or at least with some significant risk – baling out of a plane, risking everything, losing your head, killing out of jealousy - if the rest does not help.
But what if one ceases running risks, losing head, dying of jealousy, finally, ceases sacrificing own desires for the benefit of partner’s ones, but starts fulfilling them? Even if these desires don’t promise the fountain of emotions one can get from parachute jump or “bet everything on red”? Maybe this can help learning about real love – not romantic but mature (the one we write about in the article Mature Love as a Basis Of Alternative Relationships)?
The love that Aristotle and Fromm were telling about, that does not live on suppressed desires but on fulfilled ones? The love that casts an even and regular light on every new day instead of setting fire to moments of sacrifice and leaving other days dull and boring.
We think one can rekindle sexual desire by daily consideration of one’s own fantasies and trying to act them out.
The truth about your desires is more important than the couple
There are many good and bad things done for the sake of saving relationships or keeping a partner. To do this, someone learns to earn money, other gives birth to a child, and someone would change the country of residence. No problem if the said comes in compliance with one’s personal desires, but what if it doesn’t?
Coming clean with oneself about the things you want and those you don’t and sharing this information with the partner means respecting him – or her. And in case you don’t have common interests this truth comes as a chance to admit the absence of partnership bedrock and to start searching for it together once again.
The importance of making pauses: not only in sex
When we understand our desires and want to bring them to one who has spent many years next to us and is accustomed to our ‘regular’ image, and when we all in a sudden decide to change something in ourselves, the second one would hardly give a quick response and echo the same immediately. They would rather want to wait, think, reconsider.
Pauses are important not only in music and rhetoric art: they also take the lead in the art of joint living. A suggestion – a pause – discussion – pause – modified suggestion – pause – feedback (have we got each other in the right way?) – pause – reality check – pause. This process can last for months or even years if modifications are of significant nature. When such issues involve religion, changing the place of residence or the number of people in intimate relations, 15 minutes or even an hour shall not suffice to agree.
Think globally, act locally and flexibly
Local actions prevent us from misstepping and falling down in pursue of a global goal. Locality implies apt words that’ve been carefully selected for this very person and this very situation, that are needed and relevant here and now. Locality as we understand it lies in attention, accuracy and flexibility.
Being flexible in respect of a partner allows to find common language in complex themes and ideas. This popular concept is like “mindfulness”: many speak about it but only few practice. Actual flexibility means that once you tried to attain a goal and failed in getting the expected effect you bring corrections into the strategy and tactical acts and try it in a different way, again and again, changing the loading point, trying to achieve the desired goal in a new way. Even if the goal is to rekindle sexual desire.
Monotomy – how to rekindle sexual desire in a couple?
Is there a chance for a couple that lives in monotomy? Or is it like the house of Mood Indigo’ Colin and Chloe – the environment that kills at least one of the partners?
Yes, we know the depth of relationships, emotional intimacy, common interests to be unconditional values that come regardless sex between the partners. But we would prefer to combine sex with it.
Some couples have already buried their belief in hot sex. But sexual activity and variety is something you can bring back to your life with the help of apps like Fantasy App. This app has been designed to let you study your sexuality together, to introduce something new but at the same time to keep the couple strong. You both can enter the app, show each other your fantasies and find common turn ons, games and other things that kindle your passion.