How To Talk About Sex: Sexual Conversation Starters
In case reading the article “Let’s talk about sex – 5 reasons to have sexual communication” has encouraged you to level up your sex communication skills it’s high time you start considering the questions like “How to talk about sex? What can one start sexual conversation with? What are the sex topics to talk about? How do other people do it?” Read the article to find the ‘helpmates’ – the ideas you can use to bring ease into your interaction.
Sexual conversation starters: the authorities in the world of sex
The authorities of the sex world are the personalities, the places and the ideas that are popular among sex-positives. The latter might have heard the lectures of Esther Perel, have read The Ethical Slut by Liszt and Easton, visited fetish parties at Kit Kat and Insomnia, took their vacation at Le Cap d’Agde and most probably have tried FetLife in practice - or have at least heard about such places, people and websites. By studying the ideas of the authorities one can not only start a sex dialogue but – if desired – narrow any communication down to sex).
The drawback of this helpmate is that a person though open to sex talks may know nothing of the aforementioned, so that his or her reply to the question “What is your favorite club?” may sound like “The one we are in now”)). In this case you may turn to the helpmate nr. 2.
Sex topics to talk about – fetishes and kinks
If you don’t have enough time to speak in sophisticated equivoques or in case the partner fails to get the hint you may proceed with questions that won’t make the atmosphere tense yet shall definitely specify your position: you want to talk about sex openly and raise issues to start a sexy conversation. In this case the list of questions may include the following: “Have you analyzed your kinks? Do you know your fetishes? What do you think about kinks, fetishes and sex games?” One’s response to these terms may tell much about the person giving it J.
If you have known one for long and understand sex talks to be beyond the list of his/her habits yet still want to prompt the person to a dialogue in a mild and gentle way, then they are movies and books that may help.
How to talk about sex – media culture
In actual fact porn content is a far cry from reality since just like any other type of mass culture it tends to embellish the things; moreover it appears illegal in many countries. However one may find the public domain to contain a good deal of absolutely legal books, films, articles and blogs about sex that are very close to real life. Everything depends upon the issue you want to talk about.
Every fetish and any kink can be complemented with a movie or a book used as a basis for a dedicated conversation. Or you can take an article from our blog “Threesome Advice - Learning From Movie Scenes” – it brings together a variety of movies on threesome which characters continuously talk the themes we enjoy and thus give us sexual conversation examples.
You want to talk about MFM threesome? Then choose the film Three from Tom Tykwer, the co-director of the Sense Eight series. Its storyline is replicated in the Spanish The Sex of Angels that moves the action to vibrant Barcelona and Spanish dancers subculture, but MFM is still there.
Interested in talking about female orgasms? Reading the Vagina authored by Naomi Wolf might be of help. The same issue in males is dealt with in the book The Function of the Orgasm by Wilhelm Reich.
A sarcastic series Ethical Sl*t shall assist to start talking about polyamory or open relationships.
The movies The Story of O. (from Just Jaeckin, the director of Emmanuelle) and Steven Shaineberg’s Secretary (Shainberg also filmed the Fur: an Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus) may come as starters in one’s talking about BDSM: the fantasies related to submission and domination.
If films and books have failed to help – one may try shopping!!
Sex shopping and fetish markets
In London one can find a well-known fetish-market that’s been popular for more than 20 years and where one can buy unusual sex accessories and a limited edition of hand-made garments. Those far from London may take advantage of the nearby offline or online sex-shops.
The merit of an offline sex shop is the opportunity to talk to a seller and learn all nuances of the item you are interested in, thus luring the partner to join the indecent dialogue of yours;). As for online sex shops, a source to start a sex talk is also there. The sites give their toys to be tested by bloggers writing about sex who feedback with toys reviews – the articles you can read together to discuss the details of a selected device.
If you relish the idea of studying everything you may enjoy in sex and you are fond of fetishes and kinks you shall find a lot of interesting ideas in the dedicated kink apps and on websites.
Kink apps and kink dating sites – sex surfing
8 years of FetLife existence have resulted in a good many various sex games, fetishes and kinks conceived and added by the site users. The project masterminds declare themselves to be almost like Facebook and MySpace “but run by kinksters like you and me”. As of 2016 there were 4 500 000 active users of the site arranged in 100 000 groups (every group is established to discuss a unique kink or fetish). But for communication the groups hold real offline events (thematic sex parties or kinky-parties). The counter of the site users events’ has currently reached the mark of 435 000.
Fantasy is another app that undertakes a mission of dating people whose fantasies and fetishes match. Yes, you've got it right: the app for kinky meetings and kinky dating is now on! Fantasy App allows users to describe their sexual fantasies and choose fetishes right in their profiles enabling you to find partners who match your fantasies. Besides the app prompts sharing one's sexy stories and read kinky stories of the others.
Topics for sexual conversation – helpmates and teachers
The enlisted helpmates are not only the “rangers” that may help you start a sex-related dialogue. They are also a broad source of new knowledge about sex and communication culture in general.
More knowledge about sex – in article An Alternative View On Kinks And Sexual Fantasies.